The day seemed to begin on the same note as all that were organized yesterday . But today it seems as if a memory of a love begins to beat in the chest, like a feeling of insecurity that can not be contained but is somewhere deep inside you. I felt restless and worried but it was something mixed with enthusiasm and the desire to feel again what happiness meant.
It’s been quite a few years since I didn’t remember him, but does my memory still exist in his mind? It would still be strange if I were to twist my heart in search of an answer, suffering and betrayal were the most authentic colors of our meeting. This relationship was like a lesson of silence. Is this a love without expectations? One in which you love the moment with t someone without wanting to feel it in your possession through an act or an image on social networks that confirms that we are dating?
I remember how much pain I felt every time I pretended to agree with our relationship in which we belong only at the time of the meeting… And that’s when I remembered , I remembered the diary in which I wrote down everything that my heart dictated to me during the time I loved him. Does it still exist?
I searched for him in all the drawers of my mind until entering the darkest room of the subconscious I found the guide , it was the most beautiful horse I have ever seen. His color reminded me of an era in which everything belonged to the power of conquest. He guided me to a distant past that would open my understanding of a forgotten love of yesterday.
He brought me in front of a door, a door that seemed to be able to open the past by bringing to the present the missing piece of the puzzle.
When I tried to open the door, the Horse became him… I watched him amazed but between us the silence said everything.
-You wanted to find out our story , huh ? ask without the words being uttered as in a game of glances we understood our thoughts.
-What are you looking for in my mind? my eyes looked at him with fear and enthusiasm!
-You forgot again what we promised ? I’ve told you in millions of ways – we love each other differently, we don’t need contracts and promises. Love is a feeling that builds a new understanding of ourselves and what we are afraid to live. With me you lived the freedom to love .
And so the dream ended as if offering all the answers I needed. To love freely ? And yes my relationship with him was one of the most authentic of what I have lived and will life. A total freedom to make mistakes, to tell truths and to walk with someone without putting on him the chain of a suffocating relationship. But what did the dream mean to other lives? Is it possible to love what we once loved and left unfinished?
Isn’t the dream just an imagined reality and if it’s like that, can a pen and a paper bring to light the mistery of the past in which the two of us shared love?
I sit down at my desk and without asking why I want answers and I start to write … I look at the paper as if another hand has written all those words and it’s the first time I see them:
55.7558° N, 37.6173° E
And after the years were seated in drawers we met again, this time he placed with precision wrinkles and smile over His face but I managed to see through his mind’s eyes the sparkle of genius, I laughed realizing that our lesson will end this time with an unspeakable farewell. Looking at the sky that hides the sun resting in the moonlight, I wonder if he knows that Magic is back with our meeting.
I wonder if in the years that have departed from our pockets that the minutes in the clock that does not know time and space He could see the eternity of the moment.
I gave the answer to love without expectations. It’s the feeling that you are here and now eternally with the one next to you who speaks the language of silence through the integrity of actions.
I watched him as he walked away in the long gray coat that covers his body unsatisfied with the values he suffered, my mental drawing took the form of reality. He’s been there all this time without him realizing it or me knowing it.
On all the nights when I could no longer gather the words thrown into the depths of the music enclosed in a revived heart. I know he remembers me in other colors from the lives gathered in one, the Dreamer and the Pragmatic in the same sentence. He who believes only in all that the world offers to the eye and the one who skillfully builds a New Inner World.
I watch him walk with another girl holding in his soul another name, for a moment he goes back in time and looks at me. Then the two of us realize everything we have lived and we will live in a fraction of a second, we smile and take by the hand the ghosts of the past. Just faces from other unhealed life. And the hand that held disappears and for him the same and we realize in eternity that what was written in heaven was fulfilled. Two hearts of integrity that choose happiness and life in observation.
Between us begins a mental dialogue:
-You chose to come back again. Why?
-I promised you that it all started with the end didn’t I?
-And yet here you are …
-I promised I will learn to love you ?
-Yes, so you did!
-And how can I do that now ?
-What do you mean?
-You were not my project but my muse.
-I understand now, and yet you appear and you are so close and never near me. Why do you choose love at a distance?
-I learn patience, thank you.
I smiled as I remembered how my burnt legs had gone through imaginary hell all my way to Me. I closed my physical eyes to open the eyes of the mind….
-Have I ever said that I love you?
-It’s the first time…
-That’s all I like, to be the horse that Nobody bet on.
Was it just a dream?
He looks at his hands , no trace of the past. Another shadow has fallen !
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