Relatiile sunt ca bautura si Sticla
In aceste zile frumoase cu soare si natura ce revine pentru a ne arata frumusetea ciclului de renastere, am decis sa scot din barul vietii mele sticlele relatiilor.
Am inceput sa vad ce as vrea sa beau si ce nu pentru ca mi-am dat seama ca ma simteam infometata de a bea nu de a manca.
Uitadu-ma la Barul meu mental am inceput sa vad diferite bautauri ce se asemanau atat de mult cu relatiile de famile, iubire sau prietenie care le-am avut pana acum . Am simtit ca e momentul sa fac inventarul si sa raman doar cu ce sufletul meu vreau sa consume.
Am luat in mana o sticla minunata, de culoarea nisipului ce continea in ea un lichior tare si ametitor, am simtit cum din toate sticlele m-a atras cel mai mult, asemenea unei Fete Morgana in destern. Aveam in mana sticla iluziei de mai bine in relatii. Si am gustat. Gustul era nici amar dar nici dulce, era un gust ce parca avea de toate dar in final nimic special. Si tot beam din sticla si am inteles ca nu avea nici un efect, nici de a potoli setea si nici de a ameti mintea.
Atunci in fata mea ecranul mental a pornit si am inceput sa vad persoane din familia mea,, prieteni sau fosti iubiti ce se asemanau cu sticla si cu continutul ei. Acele persoane care vand iluzia de a potoli o sete sufleteasca doar folosind cuvinte dar pleaca atunci cand este ceruta actiunea. Iar apoi in secunde in fata mea am vazut ca acei oameni erau ceva din mine. Si eu la randul meu am fost la fel. Nu m-am tinut de promisiunile de a ajunge la timp la o intalnire, am spus ca voi savarsi multe dar in final nimic, mi-am dat cuvantul pentru a indeplini lucruri si nu mi l-am tinut pana la final.
Am luat sticla si am pus-o in cutia de reciclat. Atunci am observat cum aproape tot barul s-a golit sub privirea mea plina de surprindere.
Am inteles pentru prima oara ce inseamna jocul de domino si acel efect in lant care poate determina o schimbare reala.
M-am apucat atunci sa sterg praful , sa rearanjez sticlele ramase si sa las locul gol pentru a crea mental alte sticle si alte bauturi.
The game of feelings
I realized late that I was spinning in a vicious circle of feelings, not understanding why I kept rewriting the piece of my life but I was playing the same piece. A song in which I held my hand with 3 essential feelings that kept undressing from them but remained in the same essence . I was watching this piece where only the spectators were laughing . That was the movie of my life . One which made the audience laugh at the limp with which I was carrying my life … yes. I did not live it, but life lived me according to established schedule in which day by day I met these 3 main feelings: jealousy, hatred and gossip.
Every time I watched from the room the life of another, a total feeling of frustration and sighing engulfed me seeing the success of that person because no matter how much i look for success in me, jealousy dresses again with its specific nuances: frustration, sighing, trouble, sadness, fear of not being good enough or of fear of abandoned.
And I was wondering if this feeling can somehow be changed in light ?
It was then that I understood that admiration has the nuances of acceptance , of understanding on a personal level of the essence and cooperation . And I decided to pretend .. to pretend to admire . Until I was left with only two of the two feelings of the past and with a new one : admiration . Then, as if by magic, admiration began to be authentic and invited friends into my life: contentment, love, peace and prosperity. Then the hatred felt unused for too long and left with all nuances: soberness, envy and pessimism. Took with it a dear friend , gossip .
I felt somehow incomplete and alone without these feelings , a part of me seemed dry and I felt empty . That’s when I understood the art of talking about someone in his absence… I understand that there can also be situations in which another man can make me feel in an unpleasant way but that I can talk about the situation and stop saying all kinds of inappropriate words dressed in the feeling of unpleasant moment . So that void was filled with something so beautiful and natural the art of communication .
Routine, such a monotonous word. It sounds like everything that is devoid of brightness, it seems a dusty word that brings into our lives only boredom. But isn’t the routine turned into a program and a new acquired reflex actually brilliant?
We continue to make repetitive actions day by day. If we analysed our daily schedule we would realize that it is a weaving of actions that we do every day .. and all the magic is in being able to get out of the pattern of routine and create another . Is it easy? No! So routine is as beneficial as it is harmful. Being taught to run day by day for 30 minutes is a routine full of benefits and so is a routine to drink a glass of brandy at dawn. In both situations our brain knows a program. In the first example, the body is charged with energy and ready to continue a life full of meaning and in the second that person runs away from all that reality can offer by bringing the dark clouds to take over the freshness of the morning. The question is how can the first one introduce a single element of the new routine to recreate a new life ? How?
The café shop looks like a story of yesteryear brought to the world today. The light-colored tables, the flowers placed with care and skill on each table and the light that caressed that scene as if they were all talking about a meeting that would be the beginning of a beautiful lesson, all this imagine was amazing and made anyone looking at it , feel joyfull and happy.
I saw that waiting in the café shop a beautifully contoured silhouette of a woman dressed in such an impeccable style that r magazines could be inspired by everything she represented. It was an authentic simplicity and a deep understanding of her unique and personal style that really delighted me, in my soul then I was able to mentally go into the garden of my mind and water the Tree of admiration that I had just planted.
We both sat down at the table and ordered a coffee. Looking for a few moments in the eyes we let the thoughts gather in a group like a sphere of idea that was beginning to dance around us.
-I accepted the invitation and I was really very curious to meet you, I said trying to hide the emotion in my voice.
-Thank you , came the answer accompanied by a subtle smile.
-I wanted you to tell me if it is true ? I asked.
-If you have a truth that you consider part of your reality, then yes, it is true!
-So you are the one who did not sign the documents so that I can receive the diploma ? I asked with a feeling of joy in my voice awakening sadness in her face.
-Yes , I am , she replied looking at me .
-I came here to thank you !
That’s when I watched her whole face light up and a sense of confidence began to dance around us like an old friend we hadn’t seen for millenniums.
-What do you mean ? I thought this meeting was about presenting your project in order to receive the diploma? she responded with indignation but also a sense of wonder.
-I consider that all these wonderful lessons sent me to a place of my soul where I had to plant and replant feelings. Your decision brought me to the surface a teacher who has now taken on another shade by teaching me new things.
-What do you mean ?
I felt from her question that she understood my imaginary play of feelings but that somewhere she wanted my direct interpretation.
-I understand the sabotage . Through gestures seemingly full of love and understanding but with the intention of sabotaging a plan or a dream, sabotage is a feeling to be understood. Sabotage is a subtlety of a behaviour that we accept from others and seems well-intentioned but hides a completely different reality. Like when a friend brings you your favourite cakes at the exact moment you start a diet. From this sabotage that was part of the feeling with which I grew up in the bosom of my family, self-sabotage was born, so every relationship, project or road to success of mine ends in The Art of Failure. This art being the only one that made me feel AT HOME. So thank you, when the answer was unacceptable, I turned to myself scared and I wanted to feel at home, there I saw the reality created by me, one in which I will always receive rejections because this sabotage was the main conductor in my mental music recital.
-So you tell me that mentally you designed your failure to feel at home?
That’s when I felt that everything I had thought was coherent and correct.
-Yes , I think I did !
-And what would it be like to design success?
-I do not know , remains to be seen.
We looked with enthusiasm understanding that even a seemingly negative action of the other can bring to the surface a real Treasure- Wisdom.
Wisdom is an incredible skill that can transform everything and everything around.
Little by little the colours of infinity were restored and the painting returned to state of peace. As he looked to the path of the heart, he took down his crown, understanding for the first time that the nobility of the blue blood comes from the inner power of dreaming and the dream becomes the cord through which we are reborn in the absolute and in the eternal with all that belongs to us in absolute detachment.
Anything external that causes adoration is just an internal myth that must be discerned as in a child’s play. The simplicity of a one-glance experience means everything.
When you truly understand the Universal symbols you can make explicit the simplest language without words through actions- the language that still has the primordial power of creation and the uniqueness of constant discovery, of the amazement of the divine gift called life-Childhood.
Bringing the indoctrinated Adult to the steps of a child born towards immortality, is a unitary whole and the adult’s unique chance to understand that we are creators of the personal universe. When we realize that from the apparent nymph we can give birth to an even more perfect ourselfs version, which through innocent games teaches us the totality of life.
Those who understood immortality first are the teachers who opened their eyes astonished just like the playful and immortal eyes of those who brought with them the higher self- The indigo children gave their hands to diamond children and recreated themselves to the completion of eternity.
And when you really want to change the world, you go back home and love your family.
Every child is the chance of salvation, therefore They should not be regarded with ignorance and superiority but on the contrary with the astonishment of the perfection that lies within us and manifests itself in our eyes.
Being a parent is heaven’s most beautiful job. One that once understood opens the gates of heaven and lets the demons take the wings of the angels not to cut them off but to truly transform.
For no demon is anything but a feeling in our subconscious that has remained unloved. He who loves primordial love above the profane self can descend into the deepest abyss and climb the ladder of heaven in seconds because Nothing can achieve everything, he is chained in a magical dance of eternity forming that ying and yang of the office of adjustments
Those who invite you to see their face but not their soul, their eyes but not their essence. Those who have understood in the dust of bygone millennia that any Empary has his heyday, the period of fall and the period in which the God of the earth is revived.
Many have said to these angels of karma in many ways, I have chosen to call the Unforgetable or Ya Kuza.
Lost in Safari !
Rebirth during life is far more painful than all the deaths gathered in themselves. It is the choice of the best version in us. A single action in us that seems to tear us apart and dismantles us only to be reborn to what our soul longs to experience. A new life in life that we already have now and here.
To die but to live with your eyes open for becoming is the same as you should be the doctor, the midwife and the anesthesiologist, the mother and the child during childbirth. But in this play you become all these characters . And birth turns from trauma into a joy . The transformation process after is the real miracle in which you become your own parent. You grow up, you take out of yourself everything you have been taught up to that moment and you authentically heal every wound and scar left by the ancestors who brought into the soul of the parents conceptions that are now useless.
I was reborn in understanding love because loving for myself has always been drama and hopelessness. I always felt like I was the wolf at the lions’ table. Never chosen by the one I wanted, rejected because although maybe I was the most beautiful specimen of my race I was not naturally compatible with a lion. A lion looking for something else in a partner than a wolf would look for. I was struggling to prove like a she-wolf, loyalty, devotion and love for the partner that I crave to be with me in the projects of my life without realizing that I was always offering all this to a lion, the one who by nature needs more lionesses and my fidelity and loyalty to him were useless.
Reborn in understanding love I began to understand that in the family I saw a she-wolf at the lions’ table. Warm, gentle and always there for her partner who was always looking for another partner. That was for me the normality I was looking for from a man – rejection.
And always whatever I was doing was more than I should for the right partner but for that one in my life I was always too ugly, bad and totally unfeminine this until I started to feel my true nature, I had no place running after antelopes in Safari, my place was at home in the woods waiting for the evenings with the full moon to look at them with the eyes of my soul.
And then I understood that I am enough, I am quite beautiful, of intelligence and of woman for the one who is part of my race, for the one who is looking for me what I am looking for in him.
I let the lion go into his world and I smiled from my world.
I came home, the she-wolf lost in Safari back in the forests with the full moon .
A parking lot that opens the doors
The illusion represents nowadays the reality that surrounds us. We project on the others understandings that belong to us and we always conclude that what we know is also what they will know. We are surprised and often disappointed when our expectations do not correspond to the reality that we imagine.
I meet people from their place of understanding and I completely exclude what I know so that I can fully encompass in discussions and interactions the people with whom I interact. That’s what I want at least and practically every time I have the opportunity to be able to leave the robe of pride in another hanger.
The most eloquent example in my life about things that seem incomprehensible to us is that to this day I have never parked the car in the parking lot of a mall. I always chose to park in a normal parking lot and go maybe 10 minutes to get to the mall. Why? I do not know maybe because the last time I parked in an airport carpark , I forgot where I parked it and I searched it two hours ? Yes! But who would believe this story when we share a coffee and talk about philosophy, life, love and books or about business and other things that bring around me a glow of a man full of information and experiences.
This little personal story is exposed today just for an awareness. We can all learn from each other, I could learn from anyone how to pay for parking, to enter and get out of the mall parking lot. The poker player mask is just a game played by the EGO to hide weakness. What could I learn from others? I’m the smartest here. Well no, life has given me the lesson of understanding again. In order to be able to learn anything from anyone, to stop the string of questions about why I meet certain people on my life I need to put down the Ego mask of a professional poker player and be myself.
In this game of knowledge any interlocutor will own for the one in the interaction a golden information.
Cafeneaua arata precum o poveste de odinioara adusa in lumea de azi. Mesele de culoare deschisa, florile asezate cu grija si pricepere pe fiecare masa in parte si lumina ce mangaia aceea scena parca toate vorbeau despre o intalnire ce avea sa fie inceputul unei lectii frumoase.
Am vazut ca astepta in cafenea o silueta frumos conturata a unei femei imbracata intr-un stil atat de impecabil incat revistele de renume ar putea sa se inspire din tot ce ea reprezenta. Era o simplitate autentica si o intelegere profunda a stilului ei unic si personal care ma incanta de-a dreptul, in sufletul meu atunci am putut sa ma duc mental in gradina mintii si sa ud Pomul admiratiei ce tocmai il sadisem.
Ne-am asezat amandoua la masa si am comandat o cafea. Privindu-ne pentru cateva momente in ochi am lasat gandurile sa se adune intr-un grup asemenea unei sfere de ideei ce incepea sa danseze in jurul nostru.
-Am acceptat invitatia si chiar eram foarte curioasa sa te cunosc, am spus eu incercand sa ascund emotia din glas.
-Iti multumesc , a venit raspunsul degajat acompaniat de un zambet subtil.
-As fi vrut sa imi spui daca este adevarat ! am intrebat.
-Daca tu ai un adevar ce il consideri parte a realitatii tale, atunci da, este adevarat !
-Deci tu esti cea care nu a semnat actele pentru ca eu sa pot primi diploma ? am intrebat cu multumire in glas trezind un sentiment in ea ce semana a tristete.
-Da , eu sunt , mi-a raspuns privindu-ma .
-Am venit aici pentru a-ti multumi !
Atunci am privit cum intreaga ei fata se lumineaza si un sentiment de incredere a inceput sa danseze in jurul nostru asemenea unui prieten vechi ce nu l-am vazut de milenii.
-Ce vrei sa spui ? Am crezut ca aceasta intalnire este despre a-ti reprezenta proiectul pentru a putea primi diploma ? a raspuns cu indigdare dar si o nuanta de mirare.
-Eu consider ca toate aceste lectii minunate m-au trimis intr-un loc al sufletului meu unde a trebuit sa plantez si sa replantez sentimente. Decizia ta mi-a adus la suprafata un profesor care acum a luat o alta nuanta invatandu-ma lucruri noi.
-Ce vrei sa spui ?
Am simtit din intrebarea ei ca intelegea jocul meu imaginar al sentimentelor dar ca undeva isi dorea si interepreatarea mea directa.
-Am inteles sabotajul . Prin gesturi aparent pline de iubire si intelegere dar cu intentia de a sabota un plan sau un vis sabotajul este un sentiment ce trebuie inteles.El este o subtilitate a unui comportament pe care il acceptam de la ceilalti si pare bine intentionat dar ascunde o cu totul alta realitate. Ca atunci cand o prietena iti aduce prajiturile preferate exact in momentul in care incepi o dieta. Din acest sabotaj care a fost parte din sentimentul cu care am crescut in sanul familiei mele s-a nascut autosabotajul, astfel fiecare relatie, proiect sau drum spre succes al meu se incheia in Arta de a esua. Aceasta arta fiind singura care ma facea sa ma simt CA ACASA. Asa ca va multumesc , atunci cand raspunsul, a fost de neacceptare , m-am intors catre mine speriata si am vrut sa ma simt acasa, acolo am vazut realitatea creata de mine, una in care mereu vor primi refuzuri pentru ca acest sabotaj era dirijorul principal in recitalul meu de muzica mental.
-Deci imi spui ca mental ai proiectat esecul tau pentru a te simti ca acasa?
Atunci am simtit ca tot ce gandisem era coerent si corect.
-Da asa cred ca am facut !
-Si cum ar fi sa proiectezi succesul?
-Nu stiu , ramane de vazut.
Ne-am privit cu entuziasm intelegand ca o actiune chiar si aparent negativa a celuilalt poate aduce la suprafata o adevarata Comoara- Intelepciunea.
Intelepciunea este o abilitate incredibila ce poate transforma tot si toate in jur .
Rutina , un cuvânt atât de monoton . Suna a tot ce este lipsit de strălucire , pare un cuvânt prăfuit care aduce în viața noastră doar plictiseala . Dar oare rutina transformată în program și un nou reflex dobândit nu este de fapt genialitate ?
Continuam sa facem acțiuni repetative zi de zi . Daca am analiza programul nostru zilnic am realiza că este o împletire de acțiuni care le facem zi de zi ..și toată magia este in a putea ieși din tiparul rutinei și a crea altul . Este ușor ? Nu ! Deci rutina este la fel de benefica cum este de nociva . A fi învățat să alergi zi de zi timp de 30 de minute este o rutina plina de beneficii și la fel este o rutina să bem un pahar de țuică in zorii zilei . In ambele ipostaze creierul nostru cunoaste un program . In primul exemplu corpul este încărcat cu energie și gata să continue o viață plină de însemnătate iar în a doua aceea persoana fuge de tot ce realitatea poate oferi aducând norii negri sa preia prospețimea dimineții . Întrebarea este cum poate primul să introducă un singur element de rutina nou pentru a recrea o noua viață ? Oare cum ?
Am înțeles debea târziu că mă învârt într-un cerc vicios al sentimentelor , neintelegand de ce tot rescriam piesa vieții mele dar jucam aceeași piesă . O piesa în care mă țineam de mana cu 3 sentimente esențiale care se tot dezbrăcau de ele dar rămâneau în aceeași esență . Mă uitam la această piesă în care doar spectatorii râdeau . Acela era filmul vieții mele . Unul în făceam auditoriul sa râdă de schimonoseală cu care îmi cărăm viața …da. Nu o trăiam ci ea mă trăia pe mine după programul ei stabilit în care zi de zi iar întâlneam aceste 3 sentimente principale : gelozia , ura și bârfă . De fiecare dată când priveam din sala viața altuia , un sentiment total de frustrare și oftica mă cuprindea zărind succesul acelei persoane pentru că oricât îl căutăm în mine , gelozia se îmbracă iar cu nuanțele ei specifice : frustrare, oftica , necaz , tristete , frica de a nu fi destul de bun sau de a fi abandonata . Și mă întrebam dacă acest sentiment poate fi cumva schimbat în lumina ? Daca poate fi privit din celălalt unghi , cel al admirației . Și dacă da ..cum ? Atunci am inteles că această admirație are nuantele acceptarii , ale înțelegerii la nivel personal al esenței și cooperării . Și am decis să mă prefac ..să mă prefac că admir . Până când am rămas doar cu doua din cele două sentimente ale trecutului și cu unul nou : admirația . Atunci ca prin magie , admirația a început să fie autentică și și-a invitat prietenii in viața mea : multumirea , iubirea ,pacea și prosperitatea . Atunci ura s-a simțit nefolosita de prea mult timp și a plecat , ea și nuantele ei : posomorârea , invidia și pesimismul . A luat cu ea și prietena ei draga , bârfă . M-am simțit cumva incompleta și singura fara aceste sentimente , o parte din mine părea secata și mă simtean goala . Atunci am inteles arta de a vorbi despre cineva in lipsa lui …am inteles că pot exista și situații în care un alt om mă poate face să mă simt într-un mod neplăcut dar că pot să vorbesc despre situația și să incetez sa spun tot felul de cuvinte neadecvate îmbrăcate în sentimentul de moment neplăcut . Așa acel gol s-a umplut cu ceva atât de frumos și firesc arta comunicării .
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